Small Mercies
by OnyxBird
Summary: Rumplestiltskin had never set out to make Captain Killian Jones his enemy. In retrospect, he probably could have handled that better. Rumplestiltskin's perspective on their feud. (Story set during episode 2x11 "The Outsider" and does not reflect more recent developments)
1. Chapter 1

Small Mercies

Author's note: This story is set during episode 2x11 ("The Outsider") with flashbacks to episode 2x04 ("The Crocodile")

* * *

 _Storybrooke, present day:_

 _That blasted pirate! After all I've done for him, this is what I get in return? Threats to Belle and my only link to Bae stolen?_ Gold raised his cane over the pirate. He could hear Belle protesting, begging him to leave peacefully. The Captain, on the other hand, was arrogant to the end, daring him to carry out his threat. He had never thought it would end this way...

 _Enchanted Forest, centuries before:_

The pirates had taken Milah. Rumplestiltskin couldn't suppress a great surge of relief. No more disgusted looks, no more insults about his cowardice and its effect on her reputation, no more poisonous remarks dripping into his son's ear trying to turn Bae against him. Milah wanted adventure, and apparently she'd found it. Let the pirates have her—he and Bae would manage just fine.

But he knew he couldn't just let it go. Their neighbor was looking at him with expectation, with distress. She'd told him his wife had been "taken" by pirates, and she expected him to be upset. She thought Milah had been taken against her will, because surely no woman would willingly run off with such dangerous company, leaving everything behind: her home, her husband, her _son_. Bae would think so, too. Rumplestiltskin's illusions of his wife's love had been shattered long ago, when he first limped home from the war. But Bae...Bae still loved his mother and believed with all his heart that she loved him too. _Milah's good at that—making people_ think _she loves them for as long as it pleases her._ If he did nothing to stop Milah's departure, Bae would be doubly heartbroken. First by the loss of his mother and second by knowing that his father stood by and did nothing. Rumplestiltskin could live with being the town coward. He was used to it, and being there for Bae was worth the ridicule. He didn't even mind too much if Bae thought him a coward. But doing nothing to prevent his son's heartbreak—he couldn't live with that. He had to go and at least try to bring her home.

When he reached the docks, the crew of the _Jolly Roger_ was busy preparing to set sail. Rumplestiltskin took a deep breath and gripped his walking stick tighter. His heart was hammering in his chest. Anyone watching no doubt assumed the town coward was simply terrified of the pirates. Of course, like his reputation from the wars, the truth wasn't nearly that simple. He had no idea what he was going to say when he got onto that ship. Half of him wanted to walk away and enjoy the sweet freedom. To never again come home to Milah's disdain, to never again hear to his own wife encourage his child to mock him to his face, to no longer wrack his brains for a way to regain the respect of the woman he still loved. He was already known as the town coward—who would be surprised or disappointed if he failed to face down a crew of pirates single-handedly? Who except Bae, of course. And there was the other side to his dilemma. Bae was already losing one parent to the pirates. If Rumplestiltskin foolishly got himself killed, his son would be totally alone.

 _I have to try._ Rumplestiltskin gathered his courage and limped up the gangplank. He still had no idea what he was going to say. He was somewhat surprised when no one attempted to stop him or ask why he was there. A couple sailors glanced his way, but he was otherwise ignored. He hesitated, then headed towards the stern of the ship. He had a vague notion that this was where he was likely to find the captain. Instead he discovered the hard way that his limp and the rocking of a ship, even in port, didn't mix well. He heard laughter from around the ship as he fell hard to the deck. Not truly ignored, after all—just left to his own devices until he managed to humiliate himself. True to form, he'd managed to trip right in front of the only person on the ship who seemed completely unoccupied. The young man from the tavern was leaning casually against some rigging and smirking as he watched Rumplestiltskin start to pick himself up. _Well, on the bright side, it's not as if his impression of me could sink any_ lower _—Milah's description will have ensured that._

"On your feet for the Captain," barked one of the pirates. Two of the other pirates dragged him to his feet and shoved his stick back in his hand. Rumplestiltskin was startled. They certainly weren't gentle, but they could have left him to struggle and scramble for his stick without help.

He blinked and addressed the young man in front of him, "I remember you. From the bar." He could have kicked himself. _How insightful, Rumple._

The pirate just looked increasingly amused, "Always nice to make an impression...Where are my manners? We haven't been formally introduced. Killian Jones. Now, what are you doing aboard my ship?"

Rumple floundered. "Well..." he glanced away, trying to find the words to explain. The few fragments he'd composed before walking on board had vanished from his mind. "You have my wife," he finished simply.

"I've had _many_ a man's wife." There was more laughter from the crew.

"Well...you see...we have a son. And he needs his mother."

"Well, you see _I_ have a ship full of men who need... _companionship_." The Captain clearly considered this all a joke.

"I'm begging you. _Please_ let her go."

The Captain raised an eyebrow and seemed to consider the request for a moment. "I'm not much for bartering, but that said, I do consider myself an honorable man. A man with a code. So, if you truly want your wife back..." Rumplestiltskin was nodding earnestly when a sword clattered to the deck in front of him and the Captain drew his own. "...all you have to do is take her." Rumplestiltskin just stared at him in horrified disbelief. "Never been in a duel before, I take it. Well, it's quite simple, really. The pointy end goes into the other guy." Rumplestiltskin glanced down towards the sword and back to the Captain. Everything was falling apart around him. He struggled to think of anything else to say, anything that might make this man understand or care what this would do to Bae. Anything that would make him take Rumple's plea seriously rather than toying with him and teasing him with hopeless duels.

"Go on. Pick it up." The Captain wasn't laughing anymore. On second thought, Rumple preferred being toyed with. He was starting to fear he wasn't going to be allowed to leave the ship unharmed, with or without Milah. The Captain stepped closer, his sword leveled at Rumplestiltskin's throat. "A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets." When Rumplestiltskin, shaking with the fear that he might not make it home to Bae, gave no response, the pirate turned to walk away in disgust. Rumplestiltskin had to try one last time.

"Please, sir," he begged. "What am I gonna tell my boy?"

The Captain paused. "Try the truth. His father's a coward."

Rumplestiltskin trudged home in a daze. He didn't have to tell Bae that his father was a coward. Bae knew. His own mother had told him that, often, ever since he'd been in his cradle. What he had to explain was that Bae's mother was gone.

Even as he hated Milah for the pain this would cause Bae, he hoped that a life on the sea would bring her the excitement and the happiness she craved. She had certainly seemed to enjoy the company of the young pirate captain the evening before. He wondered if Captain Jones would hold Milah's favor longer than he had managed to. For her own sake, he hoped so—he doubted very much that the Captain would tolerate the treatment she'd given her husband. They at least seemed to have similar views on courage. His earlier conversation with Milah floated into his mind.

"You don't really wish I'd died during the Ogre Wars, do you?"

"I wish you'd _fought_."

Rumple's steps faltered. "All you have to do is take her"..."a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets." He frowned. He'd spent that conversation begging the Captain to _let_ Milah go, even though he knew she wanted to leave their village. The Captain had never challenged the fiction that Milah was being abducted instead of running away. He had mocked Rumple for his cowardice and unwillingness to fight, but he had never thrown in his face that Rumple's wife _wanted_ to leave him. Why? Was he trying to protect Milah's reputation? Bae's belief in his mother's love? Did Milah and the Captain _want_ Rumplestiltskin to try to duel him? Rumple stopped dead.

"I wish you'd _fought_." "A man unwilling to fight for what he wants"...What if he'd picked up the sword? He would have no chance of winning a fight against even a minimally competent swordsman, but would the attempt have been enough? Would the Captain have had mercy and let him go? Would that have satisfied Milah enough to return? _No, it doesn't matter. I couldn't take the chance. I had to live, for Bae._ Milah's voice answered in his mind: " _This isn't a life_."

After he'd broken the news to Bae that his mother was gone—dead—Rumplestiltskin gave little more thought to the Captain who had taken her. It wasn't as if Killian Jones really had much to do with the overall situation. Milah had been ready to leave. Captain Jones had simply provided the catalyst and opportunity. And as humiliating as the encounter had been, it was really no worse than the mockery he routinely received from fellow villagers. Rumplestiltskin wasn't certain whether that meant his village was populated with cruel savages or that these pirates were unexpectedly civilized people.

 _Some years later:_

The Dark One rarely thought about Captain Jones either. He occasionally reflected on Milah, but the Captain was mostly a footnote in those musings, a mere tool in Milah's treachery. An annoying and arrogant tool who would be taught proper respect for the Dark One, should a convenient opportunity arise, but no more. Losing Bae had brought memories of Milah to the fore more and more frequently, but she alone held the Dark One's anger on that front. Milah had chosen—the pirate was hardly more to blame for Bae's abandonment than the ship itself.

It was really just Captain Jones' poor luck that he happened to be in the same port as William Smee when the Dark One arrived to do business...


	2. Chapter 2

_Enchanted Forest, centuries past:_

The Dark One just couldn't resist the chance to toy with people, especially those who had humiliated him as poor, cowardly Rumplestiltskin. So when he found himself unoccupied while waiting for Smee to produce the promised magic bean and happened to run into a familiar crew of pirates, what followed was almost inevitable.

Outside the tavern, his clothes smoothly transformed into a beggar's rags and he stooped over, feigning feebleness. _Let's see if the high-and-mighty Captain is still as arrogant as he used to be._ The Dark One told himself that this was a morality lesson—if it turned out that the Captain was now kind and polite to those less fortunate, then the Dark One would allow him to go on his way in peace. Any harm that befell the pirate from this encounter would be his just desserts for his arrogance and cruelty towards a helpless beggar. In hindsight, Rumplestiltskin knew better—no matter how the Captain might have reacted when the 'beggar' jostled him, the Dark One would have found some fault to punish. The Dark One did not forgive humiliation. And besides, the Captain was his most convenient route to the one he really wanted to hurt: Milah.

As it happened, the brash young pirate was just as arrogant and high-handed as the last time they'd met, pushing the 'beggar' around and mocking his appearance. The Captain's expression as the Dark One revealed himself was gratifying. To the Captain's credit, he didn't crumble or grovel as he realized the implications of the Dark One being his lover's abandoned husband and a man he had humiliated. _Hmm...the pirate's talk of courage wasn't mere bluster after all._ For the first time, Captain Jones captured Rumplestiltskin's attention in his own right. After all, integrity was the deal-maker's stock-in-trade. Rumplestiltskin had encountered a lot of bold talk about courage, but very few men who lived up to that talk when facing the Dark One in the flesh. _How odd that a_ pirate _, of all people, would be one of them._ Yet another reason for Rumplestiltskin to wonder about the relative character of common villagers vs. pirates...

Still, there were more interesting topics than a pirate's integrity. For example, "How's Milah?"

The Captain claimed to have no idea who he meant. Rumplestiltskin didn't believe him for a second. He'd already admitted to recognizing Rumplestiltskin, even covered by the scaly skin of the Dark One. Why would he remember a brief encounter with a cowardly villager, other than by association with Milah? Was this courage, denying the Dark One what he wanted? Or cowardice, hoping the Dark One would forget his role in taking Milah away? He pressed again.

"She's dead. Died a long time ago."

 _Oh._ That was unexpected. And disappointing. He'd wanted Milah to suffer over what she'd done. To make her regret her actions and see the horror in her eyes. The pirate seemed regretful. Surely, he hadn't actually _loved_ Milah? Rumplestiltskin had never imagined that. _I suppose she did have a talent for wrapping men around her finger, although I wouldn't have expected such naivety or sentiment from a pirate._ He shook off his distraction. There was still the matter of teaching this arrogant boy a lesson. He laid down the rules of their "duel" to be fought on the morrow before leaving the pirates. Not what he'd hoped for, but it would have to suffice.

The next day, he was again mildly impressed by the pirate's courage. Not only did he show up for his scheduled demise, rather than risking his crew in an attempt to flee, but he took the Dark One's tricks with resignation rather than fear. Indeed, it appeared he was genuinely trying to _win_ their duel. _Apparently, pirates are not immune from naivety after all_ , Rumplestiltskin mused. _Or is that just arrogance still?_ Even when he knelt defeated and disarmed at the Dark One's feet, he did not plead, just waited for his death, even calmly challenging Rumplestiltskin to finish the job.

This whole encounter was turning out thoroughly unsatisfying. The Captain was exactly who claimed to be, a man of courage, integrity, and his own strange brand of honor. One who did not protest Rumplestiltskin making sport of him in the same way he had made sport of Rumple in the past, but accepted it as fair turnabout. There was nothing amusing or satisfying about killing him. Rumplestiltskin took a deep breath, summoning up all his ire at Milah's betrayal and his former powerlessness, and focused that pent-up rage at the only target available. Killing a man with his own sword was an amusing punishment for a swordsman's arrogance, not the destruction of Rumplestiltskin's family. It wasn't... _personal_ enough. No, tearing out his heart was more appropriate. His hand plunged into the Captain's chest and he was finally rewarded with an cry of pain from the pirate.

And that's when Milah appeared. Alive and well and begging him to spare the pirate. The Captain wanted her to run and save herself. _Oh my god. The stupid boy does love her._ So his earlier refusal to talk about Milah _had_ been courage, an attempt to protect her. And she spoke as if she loved him as well. _How disgusting!_ Rumplestiltskin would enjoy killing him after all, if only to see Milah hurt.

First, she had a deal to propose—the magic bean for their lives. In the end, it was for naught. Rumplestiltskin got his revenge: Milah's heart, crushed in his hand. The pirate looked genuinely heartbroken. Rumplestiltskin was almost sympathetic, although he told himself that he was really doing the pirate a favor, saving him from the inevitable greater heartbreak of finding out it was all a lie. Rumplestiltskin, too, had once believed Milah loved him. He knew better now.

Naturally, the Captain did not see it that way. He was grief-stricken and angry, daring the Dark One to kill him, but Rumplestiltskin no longer had any particular desire to see him dead. Milah was dead; that was enough. Killing the pirate wouldn't hurt her any further, and Rumplestiltskin found him rather interesting. He did want the magic bean the pirate was holding, and he certainly couldn't let people think the Dark One was going soft... _Very well, let them think I'm sparing him a punishment rather a mercy. The hand holding the bean is all I need._ The Dark One's magic even cauterized the wound, so the pirate would not bleed to death, and set it well on the path to healing.

Rumplestiltskin wasn't surprised when the Captain responded by trying to stab him. His courage and determination were what piqued Rumplestiltskin's interest in the first place. They wouldn't be enough, of course. His bold claims of figuring out how to kill the Dark One in revenge were as absurd as they were admirable. It was like a minnow vowing to kill a whale.

Rumplestiltskin vanished, letting the hook clatter to the deck, fully expecting that to never meet the troublesome pirate again...

 _Storybrooke, present day:_

 _That stubborn, thick-skulled, overly-romantic, overly-ambitious, blasted_ pirate _!_ He'd tried to kill Rumplestiltskin in the Enchanted Forest. Multiple times, in fact. Rumplestiltskin had patiently and tolerantly let all the attempts go without reprisal. He had killed the woman Hook loved, after all. He'd actually been impressed by the creativity of several attempts. But now the pirate had crossed a line. He'd threatened Belle, an innocent in this conflict, and stolen the Gold's only link to Baelfire. _He'd die to protect his crew. He'd die to protect Milah. But he'd threaten an innocent girl just to hurt me? Apparently the "noble" Captain isn't so noble after all. No more mercy._ Gold swung his cane down hard.

 _End_


End file.
